Talking to partners about exploring sex toys does not have to be a daunting or difficult endeavor.Bringing sex toys into partnered sex can open up entirely new realms of pleasure for everyone involved.
Toys do things our bodies just cannot, like pulse and vibrate. These novel sensations can help many people have more consistent and frequent — or complex and intense — orgasmic experiences. And the sheer variety of experiences on offer can help couples keep their sex varied and interesting, which certainly helps to maintain desire in long-term relationships.
Sounds good, right? But even as taboos around using sex toys in general fade, many still hesitate to broach the idea of bringing a toy to bed with partners.
How to have the sex toy conversations we want to have—and better sex
Consider the timing
One of the biggest mistakes people make when trying to introduce toys to their partners, is attempting to just whip them out during sex. Unless you know your partner is comfortable with you and appreciates surprises during sex, this can leave them feeling anxious and pressured, potentially dredging up insecurities or creating conflict.
Instead, set aside time outside of sex for a conversation about bringing toys into your play. It’s easy to do in a new relationship,That’s when you’ll ideally already be talking openly about your sexual preferences and can just work toys into those chats. But talking about sexual preferences takes a level of vulnerability that not everyone feels comfortable with early on. Even those who do may not think or feel able in early talks to broach toys specifically.
Don’t criticize or apologize
No matter when or how you start the conversation, try not to connect your interest in toys to an explicit critique of or frustration with the sex you’re currently having. That will play right into potential underlying insecurities your partner may hold.
Don’t apologize or shy away from your own desires either, as that’s a good way to build up anxiety and stress on one or both sides of the conversation. Instead, try coming from a place of exploration,in which sex toys are one of many exciting things you can try together to see what you can add to your sex life, to bring you both new and great experiences. Most of us want our partners to have pleasure during sex, and will be willing to seek higher forms of pleasure together.
Be truly open to the idea of exploration
If your partner is interested in exploring the potential of toys, try not to dictate what that will look like — the toys you’re going to use together and how you’re going to use them. Instead, keep talking, in that first conversation and later on, about the kinds of sensations you both enjoy or are interested in exploring and how you could see toys playing into the sex you already have. Encourage each other to think outside the box of genital stimulation. Talk about the way your ideas overlap or differ. From that place of understanding, you can start to dive more fully into toys.
You or your partner may already have one or more toys you use alone that you’re excited about exploring together. In that case, Fosnight recommends that the partner with a toy bring it into bed at an agreed-upon time and demonstrate how they use it on themself, then guiding their partner, verbally or physically, to join in, or talk through how to try using the toy on or with each other.
Post time: Mar-15-2023